Stevie Seligman, 19, a Los Altos resident and college sophomore, took her own life Jan. 9 at the University of California at Riverside. She left a loving note to her family and friends, as well as poetry and writing. Stevie’s death came as a devastating surprise to her family, friends and university peers. She wrote that she was sorry to have hidden how badly she felt.
A Jan. 14 memorial service for Stevie held at Los Altos High School was standing-room-only as about 500 members of the community remembered the athlete, self-starting learner and conscientious young woman. Her sorority, Delta Gamma, also hosted a large memorial at UC Riverside.
Stephanie Ann “Stevie” Seligman was born March 27, 1986. She attended Santa Rita Elementary, Egan Junior High and Los Altos High schools as well as Foothill Middle College, a program for high school juniors and seniors. She was one of the first women to join the wrestling team, and she played water polo and swam.
A dedicated volunteer, Stevie eagerly explored beyond the beaten path. She volunteered with the local National Charity League for six years. At her graduation gala for the program, she wore a striking gown found at a budget price at a costume store. Local environmental group Acterra was the first cause with which she chose to work.
“She wanted to clean up the environment,” her mother, Melissa Seligman, said.
A speedy, passionate reader and a vegetarian, Stevie loved rock ‘n’ roll, a passion she inherited from her father, a member of the popular local band The Hitmen. They shared a love of the Beatles and the outdoors, going on family camping trips.
Stevie called her father, Steve, her hero in her final letter to her family.
Melissa said that she felt lucky to have raised two girls in Los Altos, and that residents responded with such an outpouring of caring for Stevie because “they raised her.”
Stevie’s parents made the choice to share her writings with those who grieved her untimely death and were troubled by the questions raised by suicide.
“She was really generous to provide us notes – to say, ‘Hey, it’s me,'” Melissa said. “We’re trying to be really open because there’s no closure if you don’t know why.”
After a difficult first semester this year, Stevie and her parents spent Christmas break exploring different things she might try. She visited UC Santa Cruz with her father and a culinary institute in San Francisco with her mother. Stevie had thrived in a food services job at UC Riverside, Melissa said.
“Stevie found a lot of happiness in catering. She was trying to get happy,” she said.
Melissa credited the residential program at UC Riverside for shepherding its students and helping kids make connections. Riverside has nearly 17,000 students, and Stevie’s death was the only suicide reported at the school in the last seven years, according to a university spokeswoman.
Jim Sandoval, vice chancellor of student affairs, said UC Riverside emphasizes preventive,
proactive programming and training on campus. He said that all university staff working with students are trained to detect signs of depression and to make referrals to services available on campus and in the area.
Stevie’s friends and family and university staff had not been aware of the extent of her suffering, according to her parents and university officials. Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among teens and college-age students, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Young people are particularly vulnerable as their brains and hormones undergo rapid change. However, every age group is at risk for mental illness and suicide.
“If any good can come from this, it is helping families to open a dialogue about suicide and their feelings,” Melissa said. She has already heard from local families for whom Stevie’s death and memorial inspired serious conversations about their own worries and struggles with depression.
When a friend of Stevie’s told her of his depression and suicidal thoughts this winter, she wrote him a list, “Some thoughts and reasons to live.” The 55 reasons she listed were sometimes lighthearted, sometimes serious and always tender.
Stevie wrote, “People love you, and can and will be inspired by you whether you know it or not. There’s a million ways you can grow and you get to watch it happen. You’re stronger than you think.”
The Seligmans ask that in lieu of flowers, donations be sent to Acterra, 3921 East Bayshore Road, Palo Alto 94303.
For resources regarding loss and grieving, visit www.kara-grief.org or call 321-5272.
Pam Walatka contributed to this article.
