Grandma’s cookbooks. Your dad’s tools. Love letters from high school. What do they all have in common? They are considered priceless treasures with memories that almost beg to be kept forever, but should they? Is it possible to honor the gift or the inheritance while not creating overwhelming clutter at the same time?
We often feel pressured, perhaps by family or even our own guilt, for holding on to items, even if we barely have enough room for our own possessions. What would Great Aunt Alice say if she knew we didn’t keep her rusty egg beater? Would Grandpa Fred have felt annoyed that we recycled his schoolwork from kindergarten? Do we need to keep all of the furniture that our parents inherited from their parents?
Think about your personal decorative or utilitarian preferences in your own home: Would you purchase any of these items right now to complement your current way of life? Do you have extra room to accommodate furniture that duplicates what you already own but is far less useful? What about appliances that made sense for someone who had a different dietary preference than you do?
Are you someone who never wears jewelry but now has possession of countless pieces of costume jewelry that you’ve been told are family heirlooms and you also think are really ugly? What about the doll collection that scared you as a child? Do you have an obligation to keep them all?
The simple answer: No. You can both honor the person who gifted or bequeathed them to you while setting boundaries for yourself. This doesn’t mean you have to reject everything that’s offered to you, just that you need to make careful decisions about what makes sense for you to keep. Rather than keeping all 12 fancy teacup sets, you can hang on to the one set that brings you the most joy. Everything in your dad’s tool chest may be too much to store, but saving the handful of tools that you both used to put together your go-kart can bring back happy memories.
You can honor the past by taking lots of pictures for a photo album (physical or digital) or a scrapbook. Costume jewelry, fancy ball gowns, suits and hats can be donated to a local theater company. Furniture and kitchen items in good condition can be gifted to families in need. Books and other forms of media are always welcome by the library for its next fundraising sale.
By passing on those items you don’t actually need to others who do, you honor the memory of the person who loved you. It doesn’t mean you love them less, it means that their gifts will expand to bless so many more people than they could ever have imagined. That is the legacy we want to leave behind.
Los Altos resident Lyn Rogers is a professional organizer and owner and CEO of Lyn At Your Service. For more information, visit LynAtYourService.com.
