As an educator and a parent, I’ve strongly believed in the idea that it takes a village to raise and support children as they grow, and my kindergarten class delved into the idea of “acts of kindness” each year.
When I welcomed twins to my family this year, I witnessed firsthand how acts of care for new parents play an important role, especially when living far away from family. Little gestures – easy to do – can make a world of difference in supporting new parents as they get through the first few months and beyond. Even small check-ins build a sense of comfort that says, “You are not alone,” and “You will get through this.”
It was quite a transition going from one child to three overnight. I remember the first night we came home with the twins – it was one of the hardest nights of my life. My husband and I were up all night trying to take care of two screaming newborns with very little sleep ourselves. I recall feeling so defeated and drained and thinking, “How are we going to survive this?”
Right when I was ready to burst into tears, I received a message: “There is a delivery at your door.” A friend had dropped off a box of delicious pastries. These small, sweet gestures continued those first few weeks – friends and community members bringing meals, groceries and acts of service, both hands-on and as virtual support. They made a world of difference during those few months. I want to seed the idea of some of these “acts of kindness” that you could try someday, too.
Checking in
Giving birth takes a huge toll on you mentally and physically. Needless to say, coming home from the hospital, I was in physical pain and not very mobile. During the recovery time, it was comforting to receive messages from loved ones checking in on me. I received messages asking, “How was the night?” and “Are you OK?” They made me feel so much less alone going through those tough nights, especially when I would have to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of a pair of newborns.
A simple “How is it going?” is enough to make a new parent feel that someone out there is thinking about them, even if you don’t get an answer back right away.
Hands-on support
Having people come help provide hands-on support, like holding the babies and feeding them when you are sleep deprived, is so helpful. The other day, a friend came over and watched the twins while I rested in the other room for a while, which gave me a bit of a breather.
Due to the pandemic, we stuck to our “close-friend bubble’” for visitors. Something to consider is asking the new parents what they feel comfortable with, in terms of hands-on support. That gives them an opportunity to volunteer what they need most.
Meal train
A major support during the first few months was not having to think about food.
A friend organized a contactless meal train for us. The concept is simple – someone creates an account on Mealtrain.com for the new parents, adds in your family’s meal and drop-off time preferences, and voila – you are all set. Friends, family and other supporters can sign up on the dates you chose beforehand to drop off a meal.
We had a variety of meals and groceries delivered to us, from home-cooked lasagna
to soup and baked treats like chocolate chip cookies and fresh sourdough bread, all thanks to dear friends and other moms in my Mountain View/Los Altos moms group, Las Madres.
We also had delivery from some of our favorite restaurants that provided contactless drop-off. Not having to think about cooking was a tremendous weight lifted off our shoulders and an efficient, high-impact way a community can rally to support new parents.
Support with older siblings
Another big help was support with our 3-year-old daughter. Prior to my recent childbirth, a friend of mine created a “playdate spreadsheet’’ for people to sign up to take my daughter to places outside of the house. I think this concept is great for new parents with older children during nonpandemic times, though COVID made it tricky this year.
Even if our older daughter’s focus lasted for a short period of time, we were also helped by the gift of a few games and activities to occupy her.
Help from your community
Local communities like my local Buy Nothing group and Las Madres also provided me with support. I was given several great, gently used baby items, like the pair of Baby Bjorn bouncers that have been so helpful with the twins. This is a tremendous resource for new parents, as it can assist them in preparing for their baby’s arrival and afterward without having to spend a fortune.
The people you meet from these groups play an important role as well. I have met so many amazing friends from my local moms group who ended up becoming a support system for me, not only before, but after the birth of my twins. This is a great way to meet other parents with kids of similar ages and to build your support network.
There are different ways to show acts of care to new parents as they get through the crux of this life transition. This can include food delivery, acts of service and support with older siblings, as well as support from afar. As a community, we can pass on any baby-related items to others in need through the act of gifting. We can also meet other parents from local parent groups that can lead to building strong friendships. As well as demonstrating acts of care to others in our community, we are modeling to our children the importance of kindness and in turn, making the world a better place.
Ellie Angel is a local mom and educator.
