When Mary Ann Poulos chose to read “There Are No Rules For This” for her Los Altos-based book club, member Libby Ackley said the book sounded familiar.
“I had already been referred to the book through my sister, who actually went to high school with the author, JJ Elliott,” Ackley said. “I told Mary Ann ‘Oh, my gosh, I am so glad that you chose a Los Altos author.’”
Soon after, “No Rules,” a book about best friends grieving a suicide, became more than just a book by an author from Los Altos.
According to Poulos, members likened their book club – which they dubbed Red – to the tight bond between the friends, and each admired the lesson in resilience even through hardship.
“These girls had been getting together every week and meeting for wine and chat,” Poulos said. “Even though the topic was suicide that brought them together, I think that the book was about friendship.”
Ackley suggested contacting Elliott through her sister to learn more about the book. Elliott attended one of their meetings last fall and shared that the book was inspired by an experience she had in high school. As a 17-year-old St. Francis High School junior, Elliott’s mother Marianne Anderson died by suicide after years of struggling with her mental health.
“My mom was incredibly creative and kind of magical and very beloved by myself and everybody,” Elliott said. “But she would also go dark for days and I didn’t know that that was not normal.”
Anderson, who died in 1990, had been an active member of the Los Altos community and well-known philanthropist, according to Elliott.
“When it happened, it was a huge shock to not just Los Altos, but even to us,” the author said. “I felt compelled to try to learn more about it.”
After Elliott moved to Los Angeles and graduated from UCLA, she volunteered to work the suicide hotline. That’s where Elliott said she saw a suicidal state of mind that was much different than what was portrayed in the media.
“It’s usually like there’s a note that’s found or they just found out that their husband’s having an affair, so it’s like they need a reason,” Elliott said. “That’s just not true for most people who have lost someone by suicide.”
According to Elliott, people turn to suicide because they are in mental or physical pain and can’t think of any other solution. There is not necessarily a turning point or pivotal event that pushes them to suicide.
Her experience working the hotline led Elliott to write her book, inspired by the idea that suicide does not require a reason.
Members of the book club learned this from reading her work.
“I felt like (Elliott) didn’t lead us to a smoking gun,” Poulos said. “The characters didn’t find a letter. The husband didn’t have a clue, really. They didn’t know that she was struggling.”
Elliott said her book, published in 2023, became a tool for her to better understand her grief and her mother’s death.
“I came away with was just a better understanding about the suicidal mindset,” Elliott said. “I knew I could handle the subject in a way that would feel appropriate and authentic to me, which is something I don’t see very often.”
For more information on Elliott and her book, visit jjelliott.com.
