Arranged marriages were the norm in India until recent times. Read on to discover a stark contrast showcasing today’s changing times.
A Tale of two arranged marriages – Part 1
A traditional South Indian household in Chennai is involved in the last minute preparations of welcoming a prospective groom and his family. The girl in question is the eldest daughter of the house. She is all of 15 years old and has no clue what to expect.
The all important horoscopes were matched prior to their visit and the elders were satisfied with what the stars foretold about this possible match. All the elders are present to judge the boy and his family with a magnifying glass. An assortment of sweets are prepared and the whole house wears a festive look. The girls` parents have butterflies in their stomachs. They give strict instructions to the girl – Do not sit like that/ Do not stare/ Do not laugh/ Speak only when you are spoken , yada yada yada.. So much so, that the girl decides to keep mum and pretend to be a statue for the whole time.
The paltan arrives. They are welcomed suitably ,some small talk is made and refreshments are served. There are roughly 15 people from both sides present for this occasion. Every one’s word counts. All eyes are on the groom scrutinizing him with questioning eyes. The girl is ushered in by her sister and aunt. The attention is now diverted to the girl. She is asked to sing a classical song. Together with her sister, she obliges. Shortly after, the groom’s party takes leave. It is understood that the groom will respond within a day or two.
2 days later.
Trrrriiiiiiinnnggg! Girl’s father picks up the phone (They are travelling to atemple town that day and everyone is getting ready to leave).
The boy’s father on the other end ” Namaskaram ! Hope alls well at home ? “
” Ohhh Namaskaram namaskaram ! So nice of you to call. Yes yes we are all doing fine. How are you all ? ” , the girl’s father breaking into a sweat.
The rest of the family crowds around him trying to catch some words from the other end.
” Listen ,actually there’s been a slight confusion. Our boy is perplexed and is not able to decide because on that day two of your daughters sang . He does not know which one is THE girl ” , the boy’s father sheepishly.
” Oh is that so ? Would you like to meet the girl again then ? The right girl .. Ha ha ha ” , he enquires trying to sound jovial.
” Yes please. So sorry for the embarrassment. My son will be leaving for work. Will it be alright if he stops for a couple of minutes to meet your daughter ? ” .
” What a question !! He is welcome anytime .. Please don’t feel bad. We didn’t realize this confusion might occur. Do come, why don’t you all come ? ” .
” No no, we don’t want to cause any inconvenience. He will be there alone in half an hour. Thank you so much ” the boy’s father hangs up.
Tension fills the girls` house. Temple trips are forgotten momentarily. The girl is decked up yet again. Half an hour whizzes away like a nano-second. The boy arrives. He courteously apologizes for the mess and requests to speak to the right girl for five minutes in private. He is ushered to the first floor veranda where the girl is standing nervously.
” So what have you studied ? ” the boy breaks the ice.
” Just.. completed my Xth Std.. bought my XIth Std books “, the girl answers in a whisper
” Oh.. How much did you score in Xth ? And what was your favourite subject ? “.
” I passed .. got 67 % … and I liked Maths the most “.
” OK very good. You needn’t study further. My family will not permit my wife to study. Your duties henceforth will be to take care of my family and their needs ” so saying, the boy made his exit.
Thanking the girls` parents and other relatives around for their hospitality, he made his way to work. The decision was made.
Phones rang, telegrams were sent, letters were posted and wedding invites were sent out requesting everyone close to attend the marriage. Within a month, the boy and the girl are married…
This wedding took place in the year 1959…
A Tale of two arranged marriages – Part 2
Cut to the present, 2009..
A nuclear family in Kolkatta is trying to find the perfect groom for their only daughter Aparna. Aparna is in her twenties and works in Bangalore. She is open to an arranged marriage provided her expectations are met.
Her parents stumble upon a boy working in Bangalore , seemingly a nice match for our Aparna. The families interact and they urge the two to meet in Bangalore. Forum mall in Hosur road is the destined location. Boy meets girl and the rest is NOT history 😛 They get acquainted in a popular hang-out , discuss interests and future plans among other trivial and crucial details. Later in the evening, they part with heads filled with opinions, happy thoughts, doubts, judgements and a million other perceptions. It is understood that the decision will be made only after a few more meetings / telephonic discussions.
In a couple of days , Aparna leaves for Kolkatta for a short vacation. The boy , in the meantime tries to get in touch with her and eventually learns that she’s in Kolkatta. Well, I know it would have made for a perfect ending but the guy did not fly to Kolkatta and go down on his knees for Aparna. Instead ..
In Kolkatta ..
Aparna has just landed home exhausted after a long & delayed flight.
Ting tong ting tong !!
At the door is none other than .. the boy’s mother !!! Aparna’s mom welcomes her thoroughly astounded. Aparna is made to appear presentable immediately.
” So beta, how are you? You met my son XX in B’lore ? ” , boy’s mom with a broad smile.
” I’m good aunty. Haanji I met XX last week. Didn’t get to talk to him again as I was busy with this trip home ” , Aparna explains hesitantly.
” Of course I understand. Lekin ab what do you feel ? Tujhe pasand aaya ? ” , XX’s mom bluntly.
(now what do you feel? Do you like him?)
” ????? ” , Aparna looks around hoping the earth would swallow her.. ” Dekhiye aunty, actually I would need to talk to him some more and get comfortable before I can decide. Ab toh sirf ek baar baat hui “.. (I have spoken to him only once)
” XX has fallen in love with you. He wants to marry you and no other girl. Isliye main idhar aa gayi. My son likes someone so I have to ensure he gets married to whom he likes na.. ”
” Ohhh !!! Lekin aunty, I am not in love with XX. I have only met him ONCE !! ” , Aparna is outrageous.
” Mujhe kuch nahi maalum. XX likes you and you will have to marry him ” , the obstinate mother.
” Sorry I am not going to marry XX. In fact I don’t like XX or you either. Please leave ” Aparna makes her point strongly.
” Arre beta, it doesn’t matter whether you like me or not. I will not be living with you. XX and you will be happy together and thats all I want “.
” Who wants a mother-in-law like you!!! “, Aparna has the last word and storms out of the room.
Aparna’s mom tries to calm the situation but the damage has been done. Never to be repaired much to Aparna’s relief.
Arranged marriages — You have all sorts of them. Comes with a statutory warning – Persist at your own risk.
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The first story was about my grand-parents. They lived happily together for 50 years until my grandfather passed away. To this day my granny never fails to mention this story and never fails to add indignantly as an after-thought – ” What was the need to ask me for my Xth Std marks and favourite subject when he wasn’t going to allow me to study further ever !!! ” ..
The second story is also TRUE. No, Aparna isn’t me. I’m frank but not brazen!
